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July 26, 2008

Now That's What I Call Satire!

Every once in a great while, a truly marvelous piece of satire comes along that demands to be shared with everyone. Gerard Baker has produced such a work. What's more, he read it on Hannity and Colmes -- complete with news photos to illustrate the point.

He ventured forth
to bring light to the world

By Gerard Baker

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.

And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world.

He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the

Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.

And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.

From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.

And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child's very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.

And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.

From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered “Hosanna” and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet.

In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.

As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.

And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.

Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.

And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.

Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.

But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.

And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.

Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.

On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.

And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: “Yes, We Can.”

Also, I'd like to note that the Obama campaign had his plane repainted for the Obamessiah's trip abroad. When they did, they left something off -- maybe a sign that he really is running for World President, like some of his followers seem to think when they rave about how the Europeans received him.

And for the record, would you care to note one of the many changes in the Obama campaign plane now that it has a new paint job? Here's the old plane.

obamaplane.jpg

Here's the tail of the plane now that it has a new paint job.

sweetphoto3[1].JPG

But we should never, ever, question Barack Hussein Obama's patriotism, should we? Just because his campaign has obliterated the flag on the tail of the plane right before his big foreign trip, we should never, ever, suggest that such a move signifies an atmosphere of contempt for America within the Obama campaign.

But I do have to ask --since Barack Obama seems to now be running for World President, can we just call that aircraft "AntiChrist One"?





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Comments on Now That's What I Call Satire!

ˇSi se puede!

|| Posted by Foc2!, July 26, 2008 01:34 PM ||

Since it is not displaying a national flag, does that make the aircraft stateless? And we know what kind of vessels are stateless.

|| Posted by foc2!, July 26, 2008 01:51 PM ||

I know this is of topic but did you hear about the new movie “The Perfect Game” that is coming out this August?


http://www.viddler.com/explore/Lionsgate/videos/2/

They want us to root AGAINST Texas and FOR Mexico!

Sounds like a movie that Juan Hernandez would love!

|| Posted by Steve, July 27, 2008 01:34 PM ||

It seems to me that the fucktard you put into office wears the flag like gang colors. He and his gang banger pals have all but ruined the worlds view of the US and they have left our country in a catatonic state. We are looking for more than a flag waving, NRA hailing, bullshit throwing, ignorant embarassment of a human being that we can call president. We are looking for a Hero. Someone to beleive in again. Key word is beleive. Get your facts straight and crawl out of the texas haze you are under. Also you might want to invest in a dictionary. An aircraft is a PLANE, not plain. It might give you a little more credibility if you could spell.

|| Posted by Kathleen, July 27, 2008 05:41 PM ||

Ah, yes, the Man On Horseback, come to rescue the nation. Like Caesar, like Napoleon, like Mussolini, like Obama. We've seen how that ends.

|| Posted by Fox2!, July 27, 2008 06:42 PM ||

Gee, Kathleen, and here I thought you Obamabots were all about a new type of politics, one based upon respect. Seeks to me that you are instead about the same, profane, name-calling, hate-mongering ignorance that the Left has been putting out my entire life.

Oh, and about that spelling flame (last refuge of a troll with no point) -- I spelled it wrong once out of a half dozen times -- because I didn't catch the variant used by my voice recognition software. Sorry to have offended you -- NOT.

Oh, and by the way -- lots of followers of the AntiChrist will be looking for someone to believe in again.

|| Posted by Rhymes With Right, July 28, 2008 06:27 AM ||

Obama wants a FAST result and everything that increase his personal outcome is welcome.
Obamessiah risks to exagerate his odds and is a good for JMC's step by step lifelong service for the institutions

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